If you grew up in the school system, chances are you were taught to doubt yourself. Not intentionally, perhaps, but in ways so ingrained in the system that they felt normal.
Raise your hand for permission to speak. Wait for the teacher to tell you if your answer is right. Complete the assignment exactly as instructed. Follow the rules, don’t trust your own instincts, and always look to an authority figure to validate your choices.
By the time we reach adulthood, we don’t even realize how much this conditioning has shaped us. We second-guess decisions, seek approval before taking risks, and fear making mistakes as if they define our worth. We weren’t taught to trust ourselves—we were taught to comply.
Schools Don’t Just Teach Facts—They Teach Who to Trust
Traditional schooling isn’t just about academics. It’s about conditioning. The message isn’t just "learn this material"—it’s "trust us to tell you what matters."
🔹 Grades tell you how smart you are.
🔹 The teacher tells you what’s worth learning.
🔹 The curriculum decides what knowledge is valid.
🔹 A test score determines your future opportunities.
At no point is a child encouraged to trust themselves as the best judge of what’s important. Instead, they’re trained to outsource their confidence to external validation.
And that doesn’t just disappear when they leave school.
Why So Many Adults Feel Stuck, Uncertain, and Disconnected
Ever wonder why so many adults feel lost when it comes to making big decisions? Why people are afraid to take unconventional paths, start businesses, or break away from what they were taught was "the right way" to live?
It’s because we were never taught to trust our own judgment. We were given a roadmap and told to follow it. When that map no longer makes sense, we feel paralyzed.
The ones who do break away? They often had to unlearn years of self-doubt, rebuild their ability to trust themselves, and give themselves permission to think outside of the structure they were conditioned to follow. (Ask me how I know.)
But here’s the good news: Our kids don’t have to go through the same thing.
Raising Kids Who Trust Themselves
Imagine if, instead of teaching kids to wait for permission, we taught them to listen to their own instincts. Imagine if they didn’t have to unlearn self-doubt in adulthood—because they were never taught it in the first place.
That’s what self-directed learning offers.
💡 Instead of grades, kids learn to measure their own growth.
💡 Instead of rigid curriculums, they follow their natural curiosity.
💡 Instead of waiting for approval, they make decisions, test ideas, and trust their ability to adapt.
This isn’t about raising kids who ignore guidance or reject learning—it’s about raising kids who see themselves as capable, intelligent, and worthy of trust.
The Future Belongs to Those Who Think for Themselves
We don’t need more kids who are afraid to try, afraid to fail, afraid to think beyond what they’re told is possible. We need kids who know how to trust their own voice.
And that starts with giving them the freedom to learn in a way that honors their confidence instead of breaking it.
Your child doesn’t have to spend their adulthood unlearning self-doubt. They can grow up knowing their ideas, instincts, and intelligence are enough.
Because they are.
🫶🏽 Leah
Thank you for this article! I I can definitely see this in myself in how I sometimes try to intervene in choices that my children are making. Fear sometimes lurks beneath and it will manifest itself in how I try to influence their choices. Working to be more aware in the moment and step back. Kids learn to make wise decisions by practicing making decisions and being empowered to
Love this so much!!