When the Fear Creeps In: Why Doubt Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing

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You’ve done it. You’ve stepped away from the system. You’ve committed to a different path for your family—one rooted in freedom, trust, and real learning. You’ve unshackled yourself from the rigid structure of school, and you’re watching your kids grow in ways you never imagined.

And then, out of nowhere, the fear creeps in.

It sneaks up like a whisper at first.

Oof, this doesn’t feel normal.

Whew, your kid is different than the neighbors.

Yikes, maybe my mother-in-law was right.

Shouldn’t we be doing more than just playing all day?

And suddenly, what felt like confidence crumbles into uncertainty.

The Grip of Conditioning

The number of parents who tell me they feel like they’re failing at homeschooling or Unschooling is staggering. Not because they aren’t providing a rich, meaningful learning environment. Not because their kids aren’t thriving. But because they’ve been conditioned to believe that learning must look a certain way—or else it isn’t happening at all.

This isn’t just an individual insecurity. This is deep, systemic conditioning.

For years—decades, even—we were trained to believe that education is something external (especially for those of us who took the teacher track out of high school and just added a few more years of conditioning onto that initial pile). We've been made to believe that learning requires oversight, structure, benchmarks, and authority figures to validate it. And most of all? That straying from this path is dangerous. That if we don’t follow the map, we’re guaranteeing failure. “Guess your kid will just be nothing more than a McDonald’s employee” is a common taunt from people aimed at shaming homeschoolers and Unschoolers (as if most McDonald’s employees didn’t go to public school and/or that working fast food is something to be ashamed of….).

So when we do something different, the knee-jerk response is panic.

And when that panic kicks in? We react. We over-structure. We reach for workbooks. We search for external validation. We start comparing. And in doing so, we undo all of the progress we’ve made—not just in our child’s learning, but in our own healing, too.

Doubt Is Not a Sign of Failure

The hardest thing to accept when you step away from traditional education is that these fears don’t just disappear. You don’t wake up one day and suddenly feel immune to doubt. This isn’t a one-and-done thing.

That’s because Deschooling—the process of untangling ourselves from the beliefs ingrained in us by the school system—isn’t just about understanding a new philosophy. It’s about unlearning. It’s about healing. And healing takes time.

But here’s what I want you to remember:

Fear is not a sign that you’re failing. It’s a sign that you’re at the edge of something powerful.

Every time I hear from a parent who’s panicking that they’re “not doing enough,” it usually happens when their child is just beginning to step into their own rhythm—when they’re finally learning freely, without school’s influence looming over them.

And that’s exactly when the fear kicks in.

Because it’s different. Because it’s unfamiliar. Because when your child is no longer mimicking what school taught you learning should look like, your brain sends up red flags that scream: This isn’t normal!

But isn’t not being normal the point?

React or Respond?

So what do we do when the fear creeps in? How do we stop the cycle of panic—overcorrecting, adding structure, doubting ourselves, and then feeling even worse?

We choose to respond, not react.

• Feel the feeling. Recognize the doubt. Sit with it. Observe it. Instead of shoving it down or letting it take control, acknowledge that it’s there.

• Recognize the reality. Is your child actually struggling? Are they unhappy? Or are they simply learning in a way that doesn’t fit into the school system’s mold?

• Trace it back to the root. Why does this fear exist? What unhealed part of your own schooling experience is fueling this moment? Are you afraid your child is “falling behind,” or are you afraid of stepping too far away from what’s familiar?

Because here’s the truth: Your child isn’t failing. You’re not failing. The only thing that’s failing is the outdated belief system that told you learning could only happen one way.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re feeling this today—if you’re standing in that place of doubt, wondering if you’re doing the right thing—let this be your reminder.

You are not failing.

Your fear is not proof that you should go back.

You are breaking cycles. You are healing. You are giving your child something that most of us never had—the freedom to learn in a way that honors who they truly are.

And that is worth every moment of uncertainty.

So breathe. Trust. Keep going. I’m proud of you.

And if you need some additional support here, watch this free masterclass on overcoming fear.

🫶🏽 Leah