What If We’re Not Just Learning New Things… But Unlearning the Old Ones?
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One of the most underrated (and uncomfortable) parts of this Unschooling journey isn’t actually teaching our children….
It’s unlearning everything we thought we knew about what learning should look like.
It’s facing the creeping doubt, the occasional panic, and the echoes of our own school conditioning whispering, “You’re probably messing this up.”
We don’t talk about this part enough.
Because it’s vulnerable. Because it’s deeply personal. Because it doesn’t look like a curriculum checklist or a shiny homeschool routine. And because we’re afraid that if we admit how often we feel unsteady, it’ll prove the critics right.
But here’s the truth: Unlearning is part of the process.
And it’s not just okay to admit it—it’s essential to move through it.
The Quiet Work Behind the Scenes
I say this all the time: Unschooling isn’t just about our kids.
It’s about us.
It’s about peeling back decades of internalized messages from our own schooling, our upbringing, our culture, and even the well-meaning voices of family and friends who don’t get what we’re doing.
It’s about unlearning the idea that productivity equals worth.
That learning must be measured to matter.
That a child must be busy, focused, structured, and "on task" in order to be successful.
We think we're stepping away from school just for our children. But soon enough, we realize we're also stepping away from something deep within ourselves: the belief that we only have value when we are performing for someone else.
And that unlearning doesn’t happen all at once. It comes in waves. Sometimes with tears. Sometimes with relief.
The Messy Middle
There’s a stretch of time that I’ve come to call the messy middle.
You’ve left the school system—whether literally or just mentally. You’re no longer following rigid lesson plans. You’ve loosened your grip on timelines and testing. You’re doing your best to trust your child, to lean into the joy, to allow life to lead the learning.
And then the doubts show up.
They show up on a random Tuesday morning when your kid is playing Minecraft for the third hour and you suddenly remember that your best friend’s daughter is two years younger and already taking piano lessons and speaking Spanish and writing essays.
They show up when your child resists anything that even remotely feels “schoolish” and you wonder if you’ve broken something important.
They show up when a well-meaning family member makes a comment that lands just right (or wrong) and suddenly you're spiraling: “Maybe we do need a math curriculum. Maybe we do need to add more structure. Maybe this was a terrible idea.”
These moments feel like failure. But they’re not. They’re invitations.
They’re reminders that this work—this unlearning—is ongoing.
Unlearning Looks Like…
Not panicking when your child says they’re bored, because you trust that creativity comes after rest and space.
Not jumping in to fix every slow moment, but allowing room for your child’s interests to bubble up on their own.
Stopping yourself from turning every curiosity into a "lesson" and just letting it be what it is: curiosity.
Letting go of the guilt when a day doesn’t feel “productive,” because you know that presence is more powerful than productivity.
Choosing not to compare, even when it feels impossible, because you’re playing a different game entirely.
These shifts don’t always look impressive. They won’t get you gold stars. But they’re transformative.
They’re the quiet rewiring that allows us to finally trust ourselves and our children in a system that taught us not to.
When Learning is Life, There Are No Milestones
Here’s what’s hard for a lot of parents to fully internalize: once you step outside of the system, you have to stop measuring your child by the system’s standards.
That means no more comparing them to grade levels.
No more panicking if they’re not reading by age 6.
No more scrambling to make sure every subject is “covered” by a certain age.
Because if your child isn’t on the conveyor belt… then you don’t have to follow the conveyor belt’s pace.
Your child’s timeline is not a problem. It’s not something to fix. It’s something to honor.
And when you give them the space to follow their passions—whatever that looks like—you’ll start to see the beauty of it all unfolding in its own time.
Real Learning in the Wild
I’ve seen this unfold in real time, not just with my own kids, but in hundreds of families I’ve worked with.
A teen starts a YouTube channel, which turns into a crash course in video editing, content strategy, SEO, creative storytelling, audience psychology, and digital marketing.
A child obsessed with fantasy novels starts writing their own stories, spends hours studying mythology, dives deep into character development, and inadvertently masters grammar and syntax without a single worksheet.
A 14-year-old wants to be a pro soccer player, so they study nutrition, design training schedules, research sports psychology, and track progress like an analyst.
A kid launches an Etsy shop for handmade jewelry and learns about budgeting, photography, customer service, marketing, and inventory management before ever stepping foot in a business class.
This is real. This is learning. And none of it came from a textbook.
(And by the way, all of these are REAL examples of students enrolled at Bridge Academy, because they’re getting to live a learning experience that honors their unique needs and pace!)
Trust the Unlearning
So here’s what I want you to hear today, especially if you're in that messy middle:
You are doing enough.
Your child is doing enough.
This path doesn’t have to look like anything you’ve seen before to be working.
In fact, if it doesn’t look like school… you’re probably on the right track.
The joy, the curiosity, the passion, the drive—it’s all in there. Sometimes buried. Sometimes emerging. But always there, waiting for space to bloom.
So take a deep breath.
When the doubts whisper, respond with trust.
When fear creeps in, speak truth louder.
And when the world asks for a timeline, say, “We’re writing our own.”
🫶🏽 Leah
P.S. If you’re looking for a space that honors learning in all its forms—academic and otherwise—Bridge Academy might be exactly what you’ve been looking for. It’s a private school designed for Unschoolers and homeschoolers where all learning counts. Come check it out. 💛
Thank you for this ❤️