The Truth About Socialization: How Homeschoolers and Unschoolers Thrive Beyond the Myths

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When you dive into homeschooling or Unschooling, one of the first objections you’ll inevitably encounter, often from well-meaning friends, family, or strangers on the internet, is about socialization. How will your child make friends? How will they learn to navigate the complexities of human interaction if they’re not in public school? Won’t they turn into awkward loners who can’t hold a conversation?

And while I’d love to say that after decades of homeschooling becoming only more and more popular each year, these outdated questions are less common… sadly they’re still just as prevalent. It’s a question rooted in conditioning - if we don’t do it the same way we always have, what will happen?! Questioning the system is something we’re strongly taught not to do - so it’s only natural that there would be collective pushback when we do something differently. But even as the outside world begins to understand that the social environment of traditional school isn’t the gold standard of human interaction, it still leaves a lot of us with that nagging question: If I’m not pushing my child to socialize…. how WILL they learn to connect with others?

That’s the question we’re tackling today.

Socialization Without Force

In traditional education, socialization is packaged as a perk: stick a bunch of kids the same age from the same neighborhood in a room together for six hours a day, and voilà—they’ll learn how to make friends, collaborate, and handle conflict! Boom - easy! But as many of us know, school-based socialization often involves toxicity, bullying, and a rigid hierarchy that’s far removed from real-world dynamics. I don’t know about you, but I’m not the exact same “ASL” (throwback) as most of my closest friends or co-workers in real life. 🤷🏼‍♀️

When families step away from this system, they often breathe a sigh of relief. They see the flaws in school-based socialization and recognize it for what it is: a far cry from healthy, meaningful relationships. But that relief is often accompanied by a new worry: How do I ensure my child builds the skills they need to form genuine connections if I’m not actively putting them into social situations?

The answer is surprisingly simple: Follow your child.

Just as you trust your child to guide their learning, you can trust them to guide their social journey. Socialization isn’t something we need to force. In fact, forcing it can have the opposite effect. Think about it—how many of us, as adults, dread forced social situations? Whether it’s an awkward networking event or a surprise knock at the door, many of us find these moments draining. Why? Because they weren’t on our terms.

Kids are no different. When we push them into social situations they’re not ready for, we risk creating resistance where none existed before. But when we let them take the lead - whether they’re introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between - they’ll naturally find the connections they need.

Every Child Is Different

In our home, I see this play out beautifully. My oldest, at 13, is the quintessential extrovert. Everyone in town knows him - my name in our community isn’t Leah, it’s Charlie’s Mom. He thrives on being part of the community, talking to everyone he meets, joining every pick-up basketball game, and seeking out social opportunities wherever he goes. I can’t go anywhere with him without having to stop to chat with someone he knows.

My middle child, on the other hand, is much more like me - quiet, introspective, and recharged by lots of alone time. He loves being part of his soccer team, but prefers smaller doses of in-person interaction in any other context. Online friendships are his happy place, offering the perfect balance of connection and comfort.

My youngest, at just four years old, seems to be heading into a more extroverted personality like his dad and biggest brother. He loves to talk to anyone that will listen about his dinosaur knowledge.

In every instance, my kids are comfortable in social situations, can advocate for themselves, know how to ask for help, and manage their needs with confidence.

The key here is that none of my kids is forced into social situations that don’t align with who they are. I don’t try to mold my introvert into an extrovert or vice versa. By respecting their natural inclinations, I’m giving them the space to develop social skills in ways that feel authentic and sustainable.

It’s Okay to Wait

Here’s a radical thought: your 3-year-old doesn’t need a bustling calendar of playdates, co-op meetups, and library storytimes. If they’re happy at home with you, that’s enough. Really. Socialization can and will develop organically when the time is right.

When your child is ready to expand their social circle, they’ll let you know. Maybe they’ll ask to join a team, take a class, or go play with the neighbor kids. When they do, you can work together to find opportunities that feel like a good fit.

And while we’re on the topic of myths… here’s another myth-buster: It’s okay to socialize with non-homeschoolers. Many new homeschool families believe they need to stick to a tight-knit group of homeschoolers for socialization. But the truth is, your child can connect with anyone, regardless of their schooling status. Friends don’t have to share the same educational path - or even be the same age. We learned this already, remember? This is just another way homeschooling can very quickly become exactly what we’re trying to leave behind.

Real-Life Socialization

One of the best things about stepping away from the traditional school model is the opportunity to embrace real-life socialization. In school, kids are segregated by age and geography. Outside of school, friendships span ages, neighborhoods, and interests.

My kids’ friends are a mix of ages and backgrounds. Some go to public school, some don’t. What binds them isn’t their grade level but shared interests, mutual respect, and a genuine connection they’ve built.

And please don’t overlook the power of online friendships. In today’s digital age, connecting virtually is just as valid as meeting face-to-face. Some of my own closest friendships are maintained entirely online. If your child finds their people through gaming, social media, or online clubs, celebrate it. Those connections are real, meaningful, and a reflection of the world we live in today.

Building a Culture of Connection

So, how can you support your child’s social journey without forcing it? Start by creating a culture of connection within your own home. Talk openly about emotions, relationships, and communication. Model healthy social behaviors, like active listening and empathy.

When your child shares a random fact or discovery, really listen and celebrate it. When they need quiet time, respect it and honor it. When they express a desire to connect with others, collaborate on ways to make that happen.

Above all, trust that your child is fully capable of building the skills they need to form meaningful relationships. They don’t need to be pushed into a crowd or forced to participate in activities they don’t enjoy. They just need time, space, modeling, and your unwavering support.

Socialization Is Everywhere

The next time someone asks, “But what about socialization?” remind them that the world is full of opportunities to connect. Whether it’s a sibling relationship, a neighborhood friendship, or a shared laugh with an online gaming buddy, socialization is happening all the time.

Your job isn’t to orchestrate every interaction. It’s to create an environment where your child feels safe, supported, and free to be themselves. When you do that, the rest will fall into place.

To trusting the process and embracing real connection,
🫶 Leah