Peaks and Valleys
3/365
When that alarm went off at 5:30 this morning I realllllly, really didn’t want to drag myself out of bed, into the 23° dark morning chill, to get to that intense 6am yoga class.
As I laid there trying to convince myself to stay in bed, I remembered something that I read in Leading Lightly by Jody Michael earlier this week: “Be impeccable with your promises.” That doesn’t just mean my promises to others, but my promises to myself. I promised myself that I would make some habit changes to take better care of my mind and body, and this was one of them. So I did it. I got up.
And the message I was meant to send to you all today was the one I received in that yoga studio this morning. #therearenocoincidences
Peaks and valleys.
Life is going to bring us both, over and over again. Situations will have peaks and valleys. Relationships will have peaks and valleys. Moods. Jobs. We’re going to encounter tough times and easy times through everything - it’s part of being human.
Now I wish I could say this was an easy lesson to receive physically this morning - because “peaks and valleys” in yoga means push-ups and lunges and squats and long, uncomfortable pauses. 😭🔥 BUT. The mental lesson received IN those physical challenges was what I want to focus on sharing with you today…
You see, I realized something in that studio this morning. It wasn’t in the peaks (the upright, no tension, easy poses) that I learned something. It was in the hardest parts that I learned about strength, resolve, commitment, grit, and determination. It was the hard parts, the valleys, that took every ounce of what I had to give (and then some), physically AND mentally. Because it was in those hardest moments, when my limbs were shaking and my muscles were cramping and the instructor was saying “just one more full breath here” that I had a choice: surrender and fail or push a little harder and reach the peak. And for me, the worst thing in the world is someone else seeing me fail. So you best believe that in a room full of people, there was no way I was gonna crash to that floor! I dug down into the core of my being like a mother lifting a car off her child to find just “one more breath” of strength.
And I came through every time. And each time we rose back up into a “peak,” I felt stronger, lighter, more powerful. I was able to enjoy the moments of being in a position of normal even more than before I had to struggle to get there.
Which is when I realized this was so similar to the homeschooling/unschooling journey we take with our children (and, really, life as a whole). We are going to have valleys, yes; but going through them isn’t a punishment or a thing to avoid or run away from. These valleys can teach us things. Things about ourselves and our old beliefs that need to be confronted, things about our children that we need to open our eyes and minds to see more clearly, and things about the world around us and how we move through it.
I’ve worked with thousands of families around the world over the past two decades as they walk this homeschooling journey, and I can tell you the three most common valleys that I see every day:
Fear. Chaos. Resistance.
Fear. “Am I doing the right thing?” “Do I know enough to teach my child?” “What if I fail them?” “What if their path is college and I didn’t prepare them?” “What if they hate me later for making this choice?” “What if they can’t make any friends?” “What if they want to play school sports?” What if. What if. What if…..
Fear is a valley. And it’s a deep one. It keeps us spiraling and stuck in a swarm of negative thoughts that are trying to push us back on the path of what everyone else is doing. What’s “normal” and comfortable and easy. And if we give in here… if we surrender to those thoughts and fears… we fail ourselves. We never give it a true effort, because we allowed our fear to lead us and change our path. But if we fight… if we address where the fears come from, heal old wounds, reshape our beliefs, commit to our children, and hold onto the reality in front of us for just “one more breath”… we can conquer that valley. We can reach the peak. And it will feel SO much sweeter to breathe the high mountain air when we are able to look back and see how much we let go of to get there.
Chaos. Every morning is a mess. You wake up and don’t know what you’re going to do. Yeah, sure, you didn’t make the choice to send your child off to a public school classroom to sit at a desk in fluorescent lighting all day filling out workbooks… but… they’re not doing anything at home, are they? There’s no routine. There’s no structure. There’s no rhythm to anything. And yeah, maybe the kids seem happy. Maybe you can convince yourself that you’re intentionally deschooling so you don’t feel so bad. But deep down… it doesn’t feel good or right.
Chaos is a valley. It’s a valley overrun by tornadoes. A bunch of little twisters that if you aren’t careful to outrun will merge and turn into a giant F5. If we give in here… if we surrender to the chaos and let it control us… we fail ourselves. We never see the beauty of intentional homeschooling or unschooling or child-led learning or whatever you identify as your ideal learning experience with your children. You don’t get there - because chaos rules everything. But if we fight… if we take control one habit at a time, spend time observing our family’s unique rhythms and flows, create a routine out of our family’s actual needs vs trying over and over to replicate someone else’s, slowly introduce gentle structures that allow learning to feel natural, and hold that flow for just “one more breath”… we can conquer that valley. We can reach the peak. And to be on the top of that mountain and see those swirling tornadoes of chaos in your past? Wow, that feels good.
Resistance. You keep trying to reach your child with a variety of learning tools. You’ve spent hundreds (thousands?) on curriculum that you didn’t use. You have shelves and stacks of manipulatives and workbooks and all the viral stuff the homeschool influencers told you to buy on Instagram and TikTok. But it’s all met with resistance. Mention anything that even resembles “school” and the kids put a tungsten wall up (yes, I googled “what is the strongest metal?”). And when that happens, you react instead of respond (more on this another day). You either shut down completely and feel like a failure - which sends you into a deeper valley of Fear - or you fight them and dig a hole into your valley of resistance instead of trying to climb out of it.
Resistance is a valley. It’s one that we fall into with our children. It turns us into enemies, constantly battling for the higher ground, even when all we’re really doing is digging down deeper and deeper. If we give in here… if we fight and drag our heels and dig further into this pit of resistance with our children… we fail ourselves (and them). We never get to be their teammates on this learning journey. We don’t get to work together to find joy in learning and experiences. We turn our homes into the exact thing we tried to keep them away from in the first place - a space of resistant, performative, toxic learning that is forced, not chosen. But if we fight… if we work to deschool our minds, learn more about our children and how they learn, find ways to communicate and inspire, and see our children as whole people already vs blank slates we have to fill with knowledge, and just stay in the discomfort of their autonomy for “one more breath”… we can conquer that valley. We can get to the peak, and we can do it together. And nothing is sweeter than sharing victory with someone you love.
Peaks and valleys.
If this resonated with you today and you’re finding yourself stuck in one (or more) of these valleys, my free masterclass on Overcoming Fear in Unschooling will be eye-opening for you. Take 45 minutes for yourself to watch it and identify the areas you most need to work on to get through this valley. Choose to fight. I promise it’s worth it.
🫶🏽 Leah
